1/99 ComputerUser
Diversions
Head: Happy Computing! (last in a series)
Deck: Techno Answer Man is a little grouchy today.
By Michael Finley
The Techno Answer Man has been grinding out answers to user questions for more than 14 years. Here he is again, with another helpful installment of Happy Computing!
Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently took my computer tower in for repairs after experiencing problems with booting up Windows 95. They say the drive is dead, but it's only six months old. Can you help?
Gwen W., Kalispell, Mont.
What would you think the odds are that the people you showed your computer to would know less about your problem than the Techno Answer Man, who has never seen your damn machine and couldn't care less about it? Not too good, I'd say.
Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently bought a Compaq Presario 1810 laptop. It's giving me conniptions. It won't shut down completely, the screen flickers and spasms and it won't start up again unless I hold it diagonally! Whenever I try to do work on it, it goes into disk scan for about 15 minutes, then the screen goes blank. Unless I hold the CTRL key down during startup, I get the CMOS screen. I have spent three months trying to get Compaq, or anyone, to help me with this nightmare. What should I do?
Jack S., Phoenix
I'm not familiar with that model. A common presumption is that I have every computer ever made and I know every one inside and out. For that to be true I would need a very large office and a very small life. The truth is, I only have one laptop, a Dell, and none of that ever happens on mine. Happy Computing Tip #3,281: Unless you want lemonade, don't buy lemons.
Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently created a macro that allows me to create flashing type in Word 97. It's easy to toggle on, and you can make all sorts of interesting special typographical effects with it. I use it for Web sites, banners and birthday cards. The kids especially like it. Would you like to share it with your readers?
Fred N., Castalia, Ohio
No.
Dear Techno Answer Man: I am looking for a reliable encryption program to keep my files from falling into the wrong hands. I'm betting you have a terrific recommendation for me.
Neil S., Tucumcari, N.M.
Neil, what makes you think anyone on this earth would want to read your files? I could barely make it through your letter. It's not like you're running a school for industrial espionage. Natural boringness is all the security you will ever need, and you've got it in spades.
Dear Techno Answer Man: My modem, a v90 US Robotics Sportster, doesn't connect with my ISP. I don't know if there's an AT command out of sync in the INIT string, or if my modem just doesn't like my ISP's modems. Anyway, I dial, it rings, and it wants to connect, but it just hangs up. I don't know what to do. Techno Answer Man, you're my last hope.
Lisa D., Baltimore
Keep dialing, Lisa--maybe you'll get lucky.
Techno Answer Man is the copyrighted creation of Michael Finley. To purchase "Techno Answer Man's Happy Computing!" or the sequels "More Happy Computing!," "Even More Happy Computing!" and "Really, Really Happy Computing!: The Very Best of Techno Answer Man," visit his Web site (www.skypoint.com/~mfinley).
