We will soon be facing a new millennium. And with that new millennium, a new century. And with that new century, a new decade. And not just any decade, but the first one in a whole new millennium.

What will this new millennium look like? Will children be conceived over the Internet? Will keyboards and mice be implanted in our skulls? Will Windows ever be stable? To find out, we spoke with noted futurist Dr. Frank Morbius, author of the book The Future: Why It Hasn't Happened Yet and Chief Important Person at the Gene Roddenberry Institute of Wishful Thinking.

Lincoln Spector: Dr. Morbius, what is the most significant turn of events you see happening in the early 21st century?

Dr. Frank Morbius: A tremendous upsurge in the rates paid to futurists. That's an absolutely vital change. In fact, smart companies should get a jump on the competition and start paying more now.

LS: What about new technologies?

FM: Computer journalists, on the other hand, will be paid less.

LS: I'm sure we will. Before we get to the future, let's talk a little about the recent past. The last quarter century has brought phenomenal advances--cheap personal computers, CDs, cell phones, VCRs, and digital watches capable of playing "Mary Had a Little Lamb." What do you see as the most important technological advance in the last 25 years?

FM: Clumping cat litter. I predicted it back in 1965.

LS: What do you predict will be the most important technological advance in the next 25 years?

FM: Intelligent cat litter.

LS: OK. What about for people who don't own cats?

FM: Nanotechnology--the ability to control individual atoms. In fact, nano-technology will make intelligent cat litter a reality. You see, microscopic computers inside the litter will be able to ….

LS: What else will nanotechnology bring us?

FM: We will be able to store terabytes and terabytes of information on a device that could fit inside a speck of dirt on the underside of a leaf of spinach. You could wash all human knowledge down the drain and not even know it.

LS: How would a human being use a computer that small?

FM: No one knows. One possibility is replacing the atoms that comprise the computer's circuitry with tiny transistors on silicon chips. That would increase the size of the computer to a more manageable two-foot box. Another option is to build tiny robots to interface with the computers, removing human users from the equation altogether.

But that's only the beginning of where nanotechnology can go, given enough dedicated scientists with too much time on their hands. Think about telepathic paint that changes color to match your mood, packing materials that can become hard or soft depending on the value of the items packed in them, or windshields that go opaque in dangerous driving situations.

LS: What about the Internet? What kind of changes will we see there?

FM: Enormous changes. Within three years, the Internet as we know it will be replaced by something very much like what we have now. Except it will all be owned by AT&T.

E-commerce will go through the roof, of course. We'll be able to buy anything over the Internet, even cat litter.

LS: I'm sure we're all looking forward to that. What technologies will bring about this change?

FM: Nanotechnology. Think of how different the Internet will be once we can build modems too small to see. You wouldn't be able to plug them in, forcing all of us to convert to cable. This will increase throughput, encouraging online publishers to build ever larger and more annoying Web sites. Of course, these sites will be easily accommodated by the new nano-hard drives, able to hold countless terabytes in the space of half a piece of dandruff.

LS: How real is nanotechnology? Has anyone actually done anything with it yet?

FM: Absolutely. Scientists at IBM have manufactured a model electric guitar that is only one hundred atoms long. At HP, engineers are working on a molecular- level automobile. All we're waiting for now is a microscopic teenager.

LS: What sort of manufacturing process is needed to make these gadgets?

FM: At this point, much of the work is being done with tweezers. The problem, of course, is that with tweezers you can easily pick up two atoms when you intended to grab only one. Or worse, you could accidentally break one of the atoms, seriously impacting future profits with a thermo nuclear explosion.

The long-term solution involves building a small number of nanorobots that are able to build other nano devices as well as replicate themselves. But for replication to work, we'd need to create mood music, champagne, and a romantic setting on a very tiny scale.

LS: With submicroscopic robots reproducing themselves, isn't there a possibility that they'll rebel against us, take over the world, and just maybe wipe out the human race?

FM: Perhaps, but I don't see this as a real problem. After all, we'd never have to clean a cat box again.

© 1999 Lincoln Spector. All rights reserved.

Lincoln Spector comments on the absurdities of the computer industry both in print and as a public speaker. You can reach him at lincoln@dnai.com, via his Web site at www.dnai.com/~lincoln, or care of Computer Currents.

Gigglebytes is a satirical column loosely based on computer industry events, trends, and people. The opinions expressed in this column are the writer's and do not necessarily reflect those of Computer Currents.